ravi

chains and the ragdoll cliff

2007-04-23T04:44:04Z

OPENING HAIKU BEGIN
morose in garage
i scrubbed and linked and degreased
my neglected bike.
OPENING HAIKU END

it's been a tough weekend. i feel like someone stuck pins shallowly into my brain, and they're slowly working their way through. also my brain is resting in a shallow dish of oil that's a little too warm for comfort. also precariously resting on top of my brain is a snow globe with cheaply molded disney knock-off characters. it's like when you're slouching on a couch and your posture keeps getting worse but you're SO SLEEPY that you don't even want to reposition yourself, and you know you're going to suffer for it later.

it's the kind of weekend in which i concoct hardly ambitious plans to get things done, and fail by procrastinating until it's too late. i'm trying to distract myself until things feel smoother.

i've been meaning to develop better post-ride habits.. i know i should be maintaining my bike consistently, rather than waiting until it needs new everything and hours of cleaning, but it's so easy to just postpone it when i'm exhausted after a ride.

i could poetically draw parallels between how i treat my bike and how i'm dealing with my depression, but the epidemic is self-propogating. i just need to stop looking for external causes and associations. just keep breathing, and treat myself better than i'm willing to accept.

piff tonight?

2006-02-18T21:10:39Z

look! i'm updating my journal! disclaimer: this is not an interesting or enlightening entry. but if you're in portland, you like good movies, and you're free at 6:30 tonight, read on.

i got two tickets to "The Child (l'enfant)" playing at the portland art museum as part of the film festival. it screens at 6:30pm and is 100 minutes long. i got two tickets because i figured i'd rather see it with someone than by myself, but now i need to find that someone. here's more info:

https://www.ticketturtle.com/index.php?actions=25&p=1

so: let me know if you're interested.

no reserve!

2004-10-08T16:30:09Z

recently seen on pdxforsale.com (a classified site for portland):

"name your price! baby on the way, want to sell!"

ar

2004-09-06T20:05:57Z

please witness ravi the bespectacled suburban pirate, in 3D!!!!! OMG LORFL ROAMFLOALM LOLOR!

thank you thank you brendan for making me this spectabulous piratey shirt for my borfday! and thank you lydia, casey, ailik & toklot, and huckleberry FINK for the awesome 3D lens thing.

(relax your eyes, look "past" the image until two of the images coalesce in the middle)

SPELL CHECK ENTRY BEFORE SAVING!!!!!

sprouting

2004-04-05T20:10:22Z

well. naturally post-4/1 i've thought a lot about actually enacting my farce for real - my true inclinations toward such a piercing are relatively in line with what i stated. but it comes down to a battle between two aesthetics: a) i am enamored with the natural beauty of the unadorned human body, vs. b) i am enamored of honest and simple jewelry and decoration.

currently i'm unadorned browifically and i intend to remain so foreseeably.

more importantly! we sauntered at the woodburn tulip festival yersterdary. saw.. tulips! dogs! tato slingshot! bungie bouncing! eh, just look:

avalanchehotline pictos
see the dogflowers

love.

ya ya

2004-04-02T06:45:09Z

much tumult lately. thought i'd try something cathartic.

i used to bleach+dye my hair to that end, but this time i wanted something a bit different.

the only piercing that's ever appealed to me, aside from an ear piercing which is usually just a subscription to statute, is an eyebrow piercing. it's understated, elegant, and from my admittedly naive and limited perspective, doesn't seem like it would get in the way like many other facial piercings i can think of.

so:

cto jewelry in beaverton sells "do it yourself" kits, and that appealed to me since i think subconsciously i wanted to be able to run away at the last second. the kit came with a "sterile" needle and "ball closure ring," forceps (they look like a tiny pair of salad tongs), and some instructions vague enough that i looked around til i found this and followed it instead, for the most part. resulting in:

it's swollen and there's a bit of discharge, but i guess that's normal. and i'm a bit worried i'll react badly to it as did others i know, but it's not permanent.

at first i thought i'd end up replacing the very basic ball closure ring, but its simplicity appeals to me. it's got its own personality, sitting there in my eyebrow as if it CHOSE to be there. unassuming but confident.

alpha-bit

2004-04-01T19:39:09Z

an advertisement:

(friends frequently frequent fur-filled floors for frenzied finger-firing)

all are anxiously awaiting anh and arthur's arrival. (arthur, actually, advocates alternate addressing)

!

ailik and toklot

2004-02-29T08:48:50Z

as you may have already read in withlyn's journal, we are now the proud adoptive parents of Ailik and Toklot, a cuddlemonster of puppy proportions. the bera beastie was a bit alarmed and unsure at first, but i think they'll be fine. little to no interaction with the princess, yet, though that's something to watch for - he is, after all, a siberian husky + something mix.

mostly, what i have to add to withlyn's post is this:

http://www.ailikandtoklot.com

i am overwhelmed by his sounds of being alive. not that i'm not similarly overwhelmed every morning when mr. mastodon farm squeaks at me and sticks his nose in my face. it's just .. double!

also i am feeling a bit crushed but that is temporary, and cushioned by love. is that a kodak sentence?

i'll type the letter p to make this post longerp!p

Mr. Stitch

2004-01-16T02:55:15Z

Dave the Ball

2004-01-15T22:40:50Z

snowing.

2003-12-30T01:01:39Z

winter, convinced it's alone now, lets out a sigh. reaches out and pulls the world into its embrace. i am thrilled, multiplied, diminished, amplified. it has been the season of sarah mclachlan, of scented flannel, of small lights and regrets.

but this is the first time i've looked out the window of my home - in all its iterations - and seen snow. the patio furniture, the van, the grass, the road, the most ambitious branches, and the roofs - all covered with a thin veil of white. sifting powdered spirits all over my neighborhood so i can feel like a poet. another mystery from the stratosphere, and a god descended, shaking out its coat. it happens every day, after all. last night, i had no right to be calling the moon.. and now it sprinkles down even when we think it's gone. in seasonless los angeles, we learned the sea, and every avenue was spring street. but here, so far north - o canada girls, do you miss the green world when the snow falls?

i'm done festering on the timeless los angeles soundstage. i live in a mortal city, where both the christians and the pagans recognize february from july.

free website!

2003-12-21T00:05:21Z

free website to the first person to guess/extrapolate what my aim buddy icon is!

ohh, you dodgy fool.

not having a baby

2002-12-25T18:43:31Z

we would like to announce that none of the members of our household (save the possibility of greg who we don't know about but he's only half a household member now) are having babies.

babies babies babies. even their absence is cute!@!!!!

strange trend.

2001-07-20T16:19:31Z

Disorder | Rating
Paranoid: Low
Schizoid: Low
Schizotypal: Low
Antisocial: Low
Borderline: Low
Histrionic: Low
Narcissistic: Low
Avoidant: Low
Dependent: Low
Obsessive-Compulsive: Moderate

sweeping in the park

2001-06-18T21:07:08Z

karen the wonder-girl graduated yesterday! also: she cut her hair. also: she had an epiphany and is going to heal the world now. isn't it wonderful what college does to you? here's what she looks like, now:

note the contemplative look on her face, as she ponders her future and the fate of all humanity. also note the cellophane-wrapped candy around her neck.

also: i have three new blue things - hair, nail polish, and pants. i'm going to oklahoma soon (yay!) to see all sorts of special wunderkids.

on a related note, my project is in process. i'll put it up online when it's done. it could be months! or years! how exciting, to be part of something so grand!

still waiting for: someone to look at my eyes like she used to.

slow down

2001-06-03T21:16:03Z

thoughtbrief:
what is this? a game?
i'm not going to kid myself : i know who my friends are.
i don't want to prove anything.
maybe it's time i exit this pattern.

this is what i know:
clarice (j. hall, for the note-takers) is a bandit. she watches tv and ruthlessly steals motives from main characters. there's no question why she has the acquaintances she does : her dresser is a recipe. some days she steps outside and wonders if the sun needs changing. too late! she thinks, superman is my janitor.

unfortunately for clarice, tonight is the boogie. we'll see, won't we?

.dance! it's jamiroquai!

what can you say?

2001-06-01T10:37:32Z

contented causing careening sputtering beat beat
i'll wait indefinitely for this to level off

i guess one could be grateful for the passion. does starvation make one desperate? or are these fools' introspections.. creeping excuses to warrant another relapse? for all intents and purposes, you're only this sad once in your life. every subsequent engagement overwhelms the last.

and here i am being fatalistic, moments (hours? days? years?) after i promised myself (ironically) this mindset was done for.

our saturday fling (the beach cafe thing) is cancelled heretofore. so sad! it flowed from my head to the air by way of my hands, and you know i need emptying every once in a while.

let's see what dawns before the 9th. precedent surmises immediacy and improvisation.. but we can only be this delicate and forceful for so long.

graciously, your skin recedes
your hands grasp otherworlds
feet skipping rendezvous aplenty
until resting
immediately
upon the concept of joy
(quizzically).

insistence

2001-05-13T06:03:25Z

this is for leia. (what isn't?) it's also for my undisclosed stalker, to whom i would like to say: i don't know you, and it freaks me out that you're stalking me, but damn are you sexy.

insomniac mushrooms curing his wild craving
growing in the shade of denim and steel
if she rips him
he is torn but it's to be expected since
she'd perforated his soul long ago
grasp him by the corners where his edges
meet and struggle to contain qixxy
rampaging cellsmen
nate was carpenter through and through
fastened brackets nails and glue
fascinated one to you

oh, and i went to a farmer's market this morning with my mama. it was lovely and dog-filled, further propelling me on my journey towards piano-dog-filled life.

and also: i am certainly interested in rachel. more, even, than bad porn.

i'm not going to try.

2001-05-06T03:46:56Z

today: slept kept (wept inept) woke poke ate late walked talked !stalked! mocked chewed mood-food played (made grade) stayed.

now: chasing virtual tinkles. my limbs are heavy, but i'm pleasant. don't believe me? come spend some time with me, and i won't try to charm you. if you end up thinking i'm pleasant, buy me a milkshake. if not, i'll buy you one. naturally, that'll change your mind (because what promotes pleasantry like a milkshake!) and you'll buy me a milkshake. either way, i get a milkshake, and you get a pleasant me, with an optional milkshake.

no cheating.

ole

2001-05-02T04:44:57Z

oleia oleia mi caste es aluminum mal-minimum y vacant de vacas. in tonsils, entonces, we knows otros (nosotros) ways to be kind beak hind poke poke poke ole!

(for leia.)

sailor sailor french kiss

2001-04-28T16:24:56Z

followthrough: i did see josie and the pussycats, which made me happy. i still haven't seen spy kids, but i may forgo another movie until may 18 [shrek] .. unless i see bridget jones' diary. life presents one with harsh decisions. i feel as if i'm standing on the precipice between short-lived ecstacy and eternal contentedness. that is: if there were a movie theater on that precipice. with stadium seating and free yoyos.

in other news: spent some relaxing time in san diego, went to davis with karen the wonder-girl, played and got smashed, smashed and got played.. sunk into a deep depression. i think i might have wanted to be depressed : perhaps for the contrast brought by future relief.

tuesday i played. jenni said it was wonderful to see me "out" .. although i felt more like i was hesitantly poking my toe through the doorway. "don't eat that! it's my toe!" i guess is what i was thinking. pretty stupid thought.

now brandi is vacuuming the bathroom and i'm waiting for the dishes to dry. you know what they say: "it takes two to vacuum the bathroom and wait for the dishes to dry."

(but it's much more fun with three)

also, lisa is rejuvenating. i hope we're not making too much vacuuming and waiting noise. good morning! donut time later.

hee hee

2001-04-14T20:03:55Z

ha ha ha ha ha ha ha. ha ha ha! ha ha ha ha ha!

joy comes in packages of all sizes. little squishy smelly knuckly ones and huge beeping blinking polyurethane ones.

a telemarketer just called me.
"hello can i speak to mister. ravi. gadad."
"this is he speaking."
"mister. ravi. gadad. i'm calling from sears. no, i'm calling from america online."
"thank you. i'm not interested."
"it's free, though, if you change your mind."
"oh! no no no, but thank you."
"have a good day."

today i will see : josie and the pussycats, or spy kids. one of the two. this is my resolution. and i will see them with love and a smile.

ugh

2001-04-12T23:15:02Z

still battling this stupid infection [influenza] with nothing but the heart and liver of a duck. oh and water. this water stuff is amazing. i can't believe i never discovered it before. it cleans you inside and out. and water sandwiches are great.. if a little soggy..

people gluing tumblers to the walls of my heart.. so they can listen in. yeah, but isn't it obvious?: the most accurate microphone won't tell an improperly biased speaker the truth.

i suppose it's time to start spilling.

wish me luck!

annamoore!

2001-04-09T08:43:08Z

did you know?
everything i am saying here
is an advertisement for myself.
if you are tentative about committing to a purchase, we can provide free samples. quality-tested, assured, and abbreviated, these [partially edited] samples are an accurate representation of the prime cut, which comes with a 30-day emotional-investment-back guarantee!

i don't bite! don't worry! but i do chew. and nibble and coax and snoop and snuff. one of my most desirable friends is an excellent nuzzler. oh! the thoughts running through her head now! i should write these down.

don't worry . i'll be less verbose when my body slows down and my apartment expands. (i get claustrophia (benign) when i kick myself up a notch)... what is this theraflu, anyway? should i take it every day?

most important to say

2001-04-09T08:32:59Z

"sweet sweet galoshes for the soul"

"what the fuck, space monkey babies?"